Mommy Guilt At It's Best

Yesterday, we went to our church to meet with the Pastor. George's, along with myself's goal is to become members of our church (finally) for Christmas. Unfortunately and fortunately, there are two classes that need to be taken and childcare is provided (usually). EXCEPT yesterday. The one woman's son was in the hospital, holiday weekend, etc. none could be provided. I was hoping that the girl's would be on their best behavior, but no. Even bribery with the Eddy's Limited Edition of Peppermint Ice Cream did not do the trick. George ended up leaving with the girl's during the last 1/2 hour (at least) sitting in the van and letting me finish the first session. At one point, I went outside, opened the van door and threatened them with Christmas, saying and usually a very bad word the ripped my stomach apart. I was so mad, the one thing we wanted to do for the family. So now I sit here with all the guilt possible, even though this morning, the girl's seem unaffective to what happened. George was even pissed at me. If it wasn't for the rain, I would of went for a walk and just walked and walked. So instead, I cried and cried and went to bed at 8:30. Please do not post things to feel sorry for how bad I was feeling. I was so wrong about the incident and just needed to use this space to vent and to (confess) what a horrible mother I was at that particular time!!!!